Graduation Day

Last Thursday (I know, I have taken forever to update) we had our second ultrasound.  I’ve been feeling extremely nauseous the past few weeks (excellent even though it doesn’t feel so great) and we were feeling positive but not confident going into the appointment.  The nurse practitioner came in to do the ultrasound, which is probably a good sign that the doctor wasn’t too worried, but I’ve never felt totally confident in her abilities.  The ultrasound showed that our little bean is growing perfectly.  I was eight weeks six days, and the bean measured eight weeks five days (I guess two days above or below is fine), and the heartbeat was strong and fast – 170!  (Maybe a little girl??)  And the best part?  It wiggled it’s little bum while we were watching.  =)  So, we were released from the RE’s office, and will now see my OB/GYN exclusively.  Yay!  The doctor and nurses all came out to congratulate us and tell us how much they’d been rooting for us after our long and hard journey.  It was really touching, and they were all so genuinely emotional about it.  The nurse practitioner offered us a book – Expecting 411, asking if we already had it from one of the previous pregnancies.  We didn’t, which I guess makes it clear how little they had believed those would work out.

We’ve taken our first pregnancy belly pictures and are slowly starting to tell people.  It still feels like we’re going to jinx it!  I’ve told a few of the key people at school so that we can begin planning the rest of my graduate school career around our little babe.  I so hope that this is it.  There’s still so much at so many points along the way that could go wrong.  I also reached out to the friend who had seemed so cold about our losses, and she said that at her first ultrasound they couldn’t find her baby’s heartbeat, and that for the week that they had to wait to look again, she understood a little bit of what we felt.  We are only seven weeks apart in our pregnancies.

We are getting so excited, although it still feels very surreal.  We’ve even started to talk cloth diaper brands.  =)  Tomorrow is our first appointment with the OB for family history and genetic testing.  We’re on our way!

Good News

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound, and for the first time, the results were good!  I was six weeks six days, and the baby measured exactly that.  And the heartbeat was 123, perfect for that time.  I’ve spent the last few weeks with my defense mechanisms working overtime on not letting myself become excited, that I’m having a hard time turning them off now!  I know there are a lot more milestones ahead, but just to have passed this one with positive news feels like a miracle!  Our doctor was even excited (usually he’s all business).  We have another ultrasound in two weeks, then we’ll be released to our OB.  It doesn’t seem possible that we might have finally made it…

More Questions Than Answers

Yesterday’s ultrasound raised more questions than answers.  The doctor measured the heartbeat at 112bpm (it should be around 125), but measured the baby at only 6 weeks 2 days.  I was at 7 weeks 3 days, and this measurement was only one day more than the last time.  Not reassuring.  He explained that it is a possibility that the baby was pointed away from us, therefore making it difficult to get an accurate crown-to-rump measurement, but I’ve never heard that as an explanation before.  And believe me, we’ve been Googling this stuff nearly non-stop.  I guess I’m taking it as a positive that we’ve now passed the point that we miscarried last time, but it’s a very small positive amidst all of the negatives.

Saturday we were in a rush to do all of the “happy” things that we may not have wanted to do after the ultrasound, so we got our Christmas tree up and finished painting the nursery.  We’ve had baby furniture in there for almost a year (we got a really great deal from a friend), and with this pregnancy we finally decided on how we would like to have it painted – cream and tan stripes.  We got the tape up before the first ultrasound, and there was no way I was living with blue tape on the walls until maybe the next pregnancy someday, so we finished it.  It’s beautiful… just what we had imagined, and it’s breaking my heart a little bit.  Here’s what it looks like so far:

Last week after the ultrasound, we were feeling sad and heartbroken, thinking that it was just a matter of time.  This week, I think we are more frustrated than anything.  Why don’t the doctors know more about this?  Why can’t he explain the reason this lack of growth has happened twice now?  He told us, “At least if you miscarry again, you’ll get the full work-up”.  Great, that makes me feel SO much better.  All he really had to say was that it’s alive for now, we needed to wait and see, and come back in another week.