Who Your Real Friends Are

So, our second beta yesterday was 205, up from 54 on Wednesday. Michelle is super obsessed and googling everything about it, but I’m more concerned about our “friend” (the quotes are because we’ve barely spoken in the last six months, since she hasn’t been very supportive). This is the person who, two days after my first miscarriage and D&C, we hosted a bridal shower and bachelorette party for. And who, after that, never again mentioned it or asked how we were doing (granted several other “friends” were in the same boat). And who, when we mentioned we had now had two miscarriages, said, “well, the one last summer and one more, right.” This was her response upon finding out we had had another miscarriage. As if we were being ridiculously over-dramatic and she needed to make sure we weren’t getting more sympathy than we truly deserved. So, this “friend” is now pregnant. On her second try. And of course, everything is fine and great.

I am having a really hard time. She has been so unsupportive, and made comments about us behind our backs, and here she is with everything. We have been trying to get pregnant longer than she has even known her now-husband. And she’s pregnant first.

It’s as if the world has just reinforced her view that it’s really not that hard, and that we’re making too big of a deal of things, and that we’ve made this harder than it has to be. She thinks we should’ve done IVF a long time ago. Well, “friend” some of us don’t have our daddy to buy us a house and give us everything we’ve ever wanted. Some of us don’t have $12,000 to throw down on something that’s still no guarantee. But of course she got pregnant on schedule right when she wanted to. Today’s Facebook post from her? “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” I guess for some, it really is that simple.

I will say that this experience truly let’s you know who your real friends are.


11 thoughts on “Who Your Real Friends Are

  1. This is an awful situation to be in. But don’t forget, the world is full of friends you haven’t yet met x

  2. MrsT says:

    Oh honey that’s awful. It might be best if you hide her on FB so that you don’t see her updates and posts bc it will just eat at you. I’m so sorry. Until she’s experienced loss or hardships she’ll never understand how you feel. You can’t teach someone to be sympathetic. You can’t teach someone to be kind hearted. You can’t teach someone to be a good friend. She is not a true friend. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people. This girl will only bring you down.

  3. This makes my blood boil. I am weeping in frustration on your behalf. As MrsT above says, you can’t teach someone to be sympathetic or kind-hearted.

    Big hugs in solidarity,
    Lauren x

  4. Rachael says:

    I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that kind of negativity. This is supposed to be a happy time in your life. A time that you can be stress free – with 2 miscarriages already, you need as little stress as possible. I hope you have some supportive friends out there that keep a smile on your faces. I hope third time’s a charm for you! ((hugs and baby dust being send your way!))

  5. I’m so sorry you have such an unsupportive “friend”. Some people don’t have the capacity feel compassion or true support. People like that aren’t friends at all. Live in the sunshine and know that there are people (like me) wishing you a successful pregnancy.

  6. Isa says:

    Um, this person is not your friend. I’d hide her facebook feed and drop her. If she ever asks why and seems like she actually cares and you want to try being friends again, tell her and see what happens. But for now, she is not your friend.

  7. Lex says:

    That’s so tough. I had a similar type of “friend” through my TTC journey that I eventually had to cut out. Best thing I ever did.

  8. pepibebe says:

    Oh my. I just saw your blog, read this post and was so grrrrr that I had to post. Some people have it so freaking easy right! I’m on a journey more similar to yours than theirs, and have a much loved bro that is (with his wife), more on a journey like theirs. It’s possibly even more annoying when you actually love them lol. Come visit and commiserate with me…

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