Who Your Real Friends Are

So, our second beta yesterday was 205, up from 54 on Wednesday. Michelle is super obsessed and googling everything about it, but I’m more concerned about our “friend” (the quotes are because we’ve barely spoken in the last six months, since she hasn’t been very supportive). This is the person who, two days after my first miscarriage and D&C, we hosted a bridal shower and bachelorette party for. And who, after that, never again mentioned it or asked how we were doing (granted several other “friends” were in the same boat). And who, when we mentioned we had now had two miscarriages, said, “well, the one last summer and one more, right.” This was her response upon finding out we had had another miscarriage. As if we were being ridiculously over-dramatic and she needed to make sure we weren’t getting more sympathy than we truly deserved. So, this “friend” is now pregnant. On her second try. And of course, everything is fine and great.

I am having a really hard time. She has been so unsupportive, and made comments about us behind our backs, and here she is with everything. We have been trying to get pregnant longer than she has even known her now-husband. And she’s pregnant first.

It’s as if the world has just reinforced her view that it’s really not that hard, and that we’re making too big of a deal of things, and that we’ve made this harder than it has to be. She thinks we should’ve done IVF a long time ago. Well, “friend” some of us don’t have our daddy to buy us a house and give us everything we’ve ever wanted. Some of us don’t have $12,000 to throw down on something that’s still no guarantee. But of course she got pregnant on schedule right when she wanted to. Today’s Facebook post from her? “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” I guess for some, it really is that simple.

I will say that this experience truly let’s you know who your real friends are.

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Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?

We had our beta today (12 dpo) and the numbers came back at 54.23. I’m officially (hearing it from a doctor and all) pregnant again.

We have hesitantly talked about when a due date might be, and what life will look like at the time of the year for maternity leave, etc., but let’s just say we’re not buying any maternity clothes yet. Our beta was higher than previous betas for that day of the cycle, but they’ve always been considered “good” and doubled appropriately. It’ll be the six week ultrasound that’s the “make or break it” moment. We have yet to have a good one of those.

I know I’m approaching the ultrasound like I used to approach getting pregnant. “All I have to do is have a good ultrasound, and we’ll be good to go.” like I used to think “All I have to do is get pregnant, and we’ll be good to go.” I’m nervous about what hurdles might pop up even if we do make it past that first ultrasound.

I go back in on Friday for the next beta.

Third Time’s the Charm?

I am only 11 days past ovulation, but this morning I sneakily took a pregnancy test. I had kept telling Michelle that no, I wouldn’t take one before the blood test (scheduled at 12 dpo), so I was looking for the negative and planning how I would hide the evidence when it was done.

But it says I’m pregnant.

I feel more excited and optimistic than I did from the start last time, maybe because we did everything so differently with the Femara, frozen sperm, and IUI. We’re cautiously optimistic, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that we’ve been here before. And been burned.

I’ll let you know about the blood test results tomorrow!