I had the D&C on Tuesday. We went in to meet with the doctor at 9am, and were informed that the surgery probably wouldn’t be until late afternoon or evening. So we went home to wait for the call. We both wanted to just keep busy, not think about what was going to be happening and why. Michelle worked on building our fence, and I cleaned the house. The doctor called at 1:30 and asked us to come in to the surgery department right away. We rushed out, registered, were shown to a room, and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, at 5:30, they were ready for me to go.
Last time was much more pleasant, if you can call it that; we got rushed right in in the morning, and the anesthesiologist had me out before I ever got to the operating room. This time, they got me to the operating room, and we had to wait for the anesthesiologist. So, I’m laying there, under the lights, while the nurses prep the bed with poles and loops that I know are for my legs. We were waiting there just long enough for me to really freak out.
When it was all over, and I was coming out of the anesthesia, I cried. I of course want to be pregnant and to have a baby, but I am scared to go through this again. The first time, we had no thoughts of things possibly going wrong, the second we had thoughts but still felt like things would be different. We painted the nursery and bought baby clothes for god’s sake. How can we move forward and put ourselves out there again? The “work-up” that the doctor was talking about will be $1500 if it isn’t covered by insurance, and we still may learn nothing. There may be nothing to reassure us or to give us hope for the next time around. How do you continue to hope for the best when all you’ve experienced is the worst?