Cautiously Optimistic

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We are scared. What’s to say that we won’t lose this baby too? I got the positive result 13 days past ovulation, and the blood test said my HCG was 44.3. I go back in on Friday for another test. I keep giving myself deadlines to be excited. Like “if the numbers double Friday” or “if the first ultrasound is good” or “if we pass the date of the first miscarriage” then I’ll trust that it is real. I want to be happy, but I’m so afraid.

I was so sure that it wasn’t going to happen this time that I didn’t take progesterone. I didn’t want to lose the three days between stopping the progesterone and starting my next cycle, so I didn’t take it. Figures. đŸ™‚ I really hope that doesn’t affect the pregnancy. And our donor has been in the process of filling out the loads of paperwork we needed for IUI. Ironic, isn’t it?

I’ve been feeling really lightheaded for the past week, but that was my only symptom. I kept thinking I had had too much coffee (which I also didn’t stop because I was so sure I wasn’t getting pregnant this time)! It is so early still, and I’m going to be so anxious to get out of the first trimester, not that that’s a green light necessarily. And my sister just announced and lost her pregnancy a week ago. Now I really feel bad that I was so dramatic about it, and I’ll have to be sensitive to her.

Sorry for the string of consciousness post; there’s so much going through my head right now!

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5 thoughts on “Cautiously Optimistic

  1. Isa says:

    Ooo!! Crossing my fingers for you and hoping for a good beta!

  2. loowey says:

    I can only imagine the conflicting emotions of fear and hope when becoming pregnant following a miscarriage. I think my brain would be a jumble of “what if’s,” and I’d probably have a hard time functioning sensibly in the office. Sending you all the luck and best wishes in the world!

  3. hugs hugs hugs. I’m anxious with you. Sending all my good vibes your way!

  4. I am very excited for you both, nothing but positive thoughts heading your way.

  5. Roxxroxx says:

    I KNOW it’s early, but YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Thinking of you. I only just caught up.

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