I’m feeling guilty. I spent last weekend in such a deep depression, feeling the unfairness of the world, and on Tuesday my sister told everyone that she had lost the baby (again on Facebook). I felt such a huge sense of relief for a moment, a feeling that things were back in their place, before I thought of how awful miscarrying was for me, and definitely not something I should be wishing on my family. Then the guilt set in.
I ended up texting my sister, telling her about my miscarriage (she hadn’t known before; we aren’t really close), and offering to talk if she needed or wanted to. I thought of how I felt like no one could understand, and how people don’t know that their comments can cut even when they don’t mean to, and I’m glad that I could offer her some understanding. And you know what? We have bonded over it a bit. She told me she loved me, and I think that was the first time she ever has. I’ll still be upset if she gets pregnant again before me, but at least I was able to be here for her through this.
As far as our try, we are waiting it out. We spoke with a lawyer last week and have started the paperwork for our donor agreement and we gave our donor the plethora of paperwork needed for our clinic to let us do IUI with him. It may still take some time to get everything in place, but we are taking steps in the right direction.