I haven’t posted in awhile, mostly because there hasn’t been anything to update. Partly because the last two weeks, after NOT ovulating (thank you very much follicular cyst), I wasn’t analyzing every little detail of my body’s existence, or making myself crazy over “Am I pregnant?” “Am I not?” questions. It was really nice, for the first time in a year and a half, to not be thinking about those things.
Miss Maggie (our new pup), is doing amazingly well. She is the sweetest puppy I’ve had thus far! She is super attached to me, which is just what I needed, and cuddly (although still kind of a snappy alligator). Maybe the attached part is in part because she is deaf? She doesn’t like for me to leave her sight. So cute! Here are some pictures from her first beach trip.
I saw the counselor, in an hour-long, draining, sobbing session. I talked a lot about how angry I am with the world and my friends for (what feels like) abandoning me, but I left without a clear picture of how attending counseling might be able to help me deal with the loss of our baby. She was validating, but would I have to rehash things week after week? It seemed like what I’m feeling are some of the stages of grief, and people are always saying you can’t rush people through those. So I’m not going back. Oh well. That one session was so exhausting that I kept nearly falling asleep at the wheel on my way home.
In TTC news, we are on track for a try this month. The follicle with the cyst was back to a somewhat normal size, and they didn’t think it would hinder ovulation this month. The nurse briefly discussed upping my Clomid dose again, but since I’ve had three eggs on 100mg twice now, she said “We don’t want triplets!”. To which, I of course responded, “I really don’t care at this point!”. I go in for the mid-cycle ultrasound on the 23rd (CD12), and should be shooting up with the goods a day or two after. If we don’t get pregnant this time, I guess the next step is Letrizole. Clomid time after time has felt very stagnant. Like, “This isn’t working, but let’s just keep trying!”. IUI with frozen donor sperm may be on the menu as well. I’m just happy we are moving forward! What try are we on again?