Our visit to the RE

So we inseminated on the 11th and 12th of this month, putting us right smack-dab in the middle of the two-week wait.

We also saw the RE on the 16th, and we were not happy with the way that visit went.  He was nice enough, but so impersonal!  And he totally had his own agenda of what needed to be discussed.  We were told that our donor’s sperm would have to be frozen and quarantined for six months before we could use it for IUI.  An FDA rule, apparently, but the caveat is that you don’t have to have a quarantine period if you’ve previously been “intimate” with the guy.  So hetero couples don’t have this issue.  I’m sorry, but wouldn’t you consider having our donor’s semen in me 14 times already “intimate”?  Certainly, if there were any STDs to be had, it would be too late by now.   The doctor was not amused when we brought this up, but the midwife sitting in the room said she thought that should count as “consensual sexual contact”.  They are supposedly checking with their legal team, but we haven’t gotten a response yet.  We both felt a bit discriminated against, although I feel like it’s more of an issue of a woman’s right to choose, than a gay vs. straight thing.  Shouldn’t I be able to choose whose sperm goes inside of me just like anyone else?

He also lectured us on quite a few topics regarding our known donor, and very patronizingly.  Do you have legal documents in place, have you gotten his medical history, has he been tested for infectious diseases, has he had genetic testing, etc.  He looked at us like we were incredibly naive.  Call me old-fashioned, but if I had married a man, I wouldn’t have had him fill out paperwork before we started trying to have kids!  We don’t need a super baby, or a donor who looks amazing on paper, we just want a donor who greatly resembles Michelle in personality, whom we love and wouldn’t mind being a part of our extended family.  And I don’t think he and his wife (our best friends!) are planning on stealing our baby.  Although we did have a few laughs about that being their “grand plan”, since they haven’t been able to have a second child.

So, we are still waiting to find out if we are pregnant this time around (doubtful), and then hopefully we’ll be able to move forward with an IUI.  If not, I know we both would have a very hard time waiting six months for an IUI, so I’m guessing we will continue with what we’ve been doing!  As soon as I start my period, I will have to go in for a baseline ultrasound, start Clomid, and get a mid-cycle ultrasound and a trigger shot.  We’re crossing the one year mark this cycle, and we’ve had a lot to process.

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One thought on “Our visit to the RE

  1. andklemm says:

    “Shouldn’t I be able to choose whose sperm goes inside of me just like anyone else?” I really enjoyed your take on this. It’s not always about the gay ladies’ rights, sometimes it’s just as infuriating fighting for all ladies’ rights. Good luck to you guys.

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