So, we’ve hit a huge bump in the road.
Originally, our grand plan was that I was going to attend graduate school online and be able to stay home with a baby for those 2 years. Granted, there would be a 5-week stint on campus, but we figured baby and my mom could come with me, and we would be good to go.
Since we haven’t gotten pregnant yet, though, I also applied to a graduate school about an hour from where we live – a much more prestigious and less-expensive program with connections in our area. And I got in.
I know it doesn’t make sense to continue trying to get pregnant when it would mean having a baby in the middle of my graduate school program. I hate the idea of daycare or even grandma-care from baby’s Day 1. Later, sure, but not in the very beginning. Plus the financial aspect. With the online program I would have been able to continue working until baby was born, but for the on-campus program I won’t be able to work at all. And that puts the financial burden completely on Michelle.
So I am in the impossible position of going to a grad school that will give me a much better education and better job prospects later on, or continuing to try to get pregnant. I want to get the best education possible, but Michelle is heart-broken at the thought of putting off getting pregnant for even another year. She is almost 40, and wants it to happen as soon as possible. I feel awful for even thinking about making her wait. It will be hard for me to wait too, but I’m feeling guilty for it being all on me. Am I being completely selfish if I go to the better program?