The results are in. Yet another Big Fat Negative. I’ve decided I don’t mind the early pregnancy testing as much as I thought I did, though. I pee on the stick, feel sure it will say I’m not pregnant, see that I was right, and deal with my crazy grief emotions before I ever reach my period. So today when good ole’ aunt flo arrived, it was just another, “Yep, not pregnant” and I could move on to the planning stages for the next cycle. I can’t believe how quickly you go from thinking you could be pregnant, to taking Clomid for trying again. Three days. It’s such a quick turn-around! At least I started my period early enough that I can keep my scheduled HSG. If I had been late even a day, I would have had to reschedule for who knows when. Of course, it would have been nicer to get to cancel it altogether, but oh well.
On the brighter side of life, I had a wonderful visit with my nana (grandma) last week. A little background is in order, so that you can fully appreciate the situation: My nana is 85, incredibly conservative, incredibly Republican, and incredibly stuck in her ways. So, the last few years I have been fully in the closet with her. Not to say that I ever lied to her, I simply let her continue to believe that Michelle was my roommate. I was afraid she would disown me, and I would lose her in my life. This wasn’t a totally unfounded belief, as she (and my papa when he was alive) temporarily disowned my brother for not living up to their standards, and disowned my aunt for a time for dating a black man (I know, right???). However, knowing that we wanted to start a family, we started pushing the envelope a little bit. I refuse to be in the closet with anyone when we have a kid, because I won’t have our child think we are ashamed for who we are. So, after telling Nana that Michelle and I bought a house together, I sent her a Christmas card with our pictures and “The F______ Family” printed on it (which isn’t officially my last name yet) and our “Meg and Michelle” address label on the envelope.
She figured it out, finally. And you know what? She was amazing about it. She asked my aunt and my mom how they had handled it, and they both said, “You know, when you love someone, you love them no matter what” and my nana adopted this mantra too. When I was there, she asked about Michelle, and simple things like who does the cooking, she complimented our house, and was just generally wonderful. I have never felt more loved.
She ended up giving me her wedding china while I was there, and when I left, talking about when I would use it, she said “Maybe you and Michelle can celebrate each other.”
I finally feel like our future baby will be born into a huge, loving, complete family.