Not pregnant. Again.
My aunt was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and had her surgery (double mastectomy) this last week. We were so busy this month with family and work that there was no time to mull over every possibility of a pregnancy (or pms) sign. The over-analyst in me thinks about possible due dates every month, and if we had gotten pregnant this time around, our due date would have been my aunt’s birthday. I thought it was a sign.
I want to come clean about something though. I haven’t been able to fully commit to this blog and participate in and reap the benefits of the catharsis and community here because I haven’t been completely honest. We started out trying to get pregnant using purchased, anonymous donor sperm, but the last five months or so we have been using a known donor. He and his family have been wonderful to us. So selfless. It is such an amazing gift that they are giving us the opportunity to start a family. Although the logistics can be a bit awkward… =)
We drop off sterile cups and give him a heads-up what days we think we’ll need a “donation”. Then when we get the go-ahead from the ovulation test, we call him up with a “the eagle has landed”. After he is done, he leaves it on the porch, texts back about the “eagle”, and Michelle runs over to pick it up while I prepare things at home. Funny!
This was the way we wanted to do things from the beginning. At first, though, our friends were dealing with their own problems with infertility in trying to conceive their second child, and we in no way wanted to interfere. But now that all is well, and we are going ahead with this, it does complicate things a bit. We can’t impose on their lives forever. While it’s easy for the doctor to say to keep trying for a year, that just isn’t in the cards for us. We don’t have that kind of time. We can’t have an IUI done in a clinic of IVF because they require the donation to be made there and quarantined for 6 months, and we aren’t going to ask him to do that. So our options are limited if I can’t get pregnant “naturally”.
After getting the not-pregnant test results, and the breaking down, and the depression, and the period two days late, and two more not-pregnant tests, Michelle called our doctor and insisted he get us in to talk about Clomid or the next steps in infertility testing. It’s been a year. It’s time. We can’t ask our donor to do this for much longer; our relationship with them means too much to us to jeopardize it with stress and imposition. So hopefully, we’ll have good news come Wednesday! A plan at the very least. I’m trying not too get my hopes to high, since there’s no guarantee that Clomid will be the end-all-be-all. It just feels so good to be proactive. And again, here’s hoping! =)