On to try #10…

Another BFN.  =(

Somehow every month I am convinced to take a pregnancy test earlier than I should, which results in me being devastated for days (and yet still have hope!), until the ultimate let down of yet another period.  So, after three days down-in-the-dumps, we are moving on to the next try – number 10.  I find it amazing the rollercoaster of emotions we ride every month and still keep coming back for more.  Two weeks of having our hope and excitement build and build until BOOM, we hit rock bottom.  Then a couple days later we pick ourselves up and start planning the next round, and the cycle begins again.  I’m finding that people have an extraordinary capacity for hope and perseverance.

In December, we visited our doctor and began to talk to him about the possibility that we might be dealing with infertility.  The one time I want to be treated differently than a heterosexual couple, and we get the exact same “try for 12 months” mantra.  We aren’t in the same position as typical couples, and I want him to understand that we are already so much more invested ($$) and have been timing things precisely from the very beginning.

And of course, I google absolutely everything I can about fertility, odds of conceiving “naturally”, etc.  I found statistics that 75% of couples will get pregnant within 9 months, and 85% will get pregnant within a year.  In my mind, that means that only 10% of couples will get pregnant between where we are and where our doctor will intervene.  That’s not good enough for me to stay the course… I want to do something proactive.

A friend of mine recently purchased Clomid online, and I hate to say that I am tempted, but I am.  We will be making another doctor’s appointment, and hopefully just the threat of going that route will push him to reconsider helping us.  I hate that by the time we find out we aren’t pregnant, it’s too late to really change anything before the next try.  But maybe we’ll be able to go that route soon.

As I said, on to try #10!  And back to the hoping…  =)

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